


Proximity Alert: The Flipside

by mumofthreedevils



Series: Reminiscing [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7327201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumofthreedevils/pseuds/mumofthreedevils
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the week following the destruction of Starkiller Base, Kylo is reminiscing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proximity Alert: The Flipside

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun writing Proximity Alert that I thought it would be fun to write it from Ren's point of view.  
> I'm hoping it doesn't read like a 'Groundhog Day' type of scenario but let me know what you think.  
> I struggled with whether or not to refer to him as Ren or Kylo. After lots of thought and some lovely comments, I decided to go with Kylo.  
> So I've edited and update accordingly. Let me know if I missed one!

Their world had crumbled around them, literally. Their aspirations, their goals had all turned to dust.  
Mentally broken, physically broken, just shells of their former selves.

Kylo laid in the darkness unable to move and staring into nothing. He was trying to be as calm as he could and was failing miserably.  
How long had he been like this? Days…. weeks? He had no idea and wasn’t entirely sure where here was. The last thing he can remember is Starkiller Base crumbling around him, a familiar voice and strong hands lifting him from the freezing surface of the doomed planet. Hux.

The one thing keeping him together now was that thought.  
From the moment he’d set foot on the Finalizer so many months ago he’d found himself drawn to the ship’s General in a way that was unexpected. Hux was severe, militaristic, dominating, expecting obedience, loyalty and respect for chain of command and ……totally spellbinding.  
Kylo had found the General to be unusually attractive but ultimately very tightly wound and so dedicated to his lofty position that Kylo felt he was unable to do anything about it.  
Until an informal meeting over dinner one evening. Kylo was very relaxed, enjoying his meal and getting a little over enthusiastic about what it meant to him to be assigned to the Finalizer. He was enjoying just being in the company of Hux and found himself taking in every inch of the General while he could.  
Hux was only slightly older than Kylo and had risen to the rank of General extremely quickly. His hair was a vibrant red and his eyes were pale blue or were they green? He could never tell, in different lights they seemed to change. His features were sharp and he always had a stern look on his face. Kylo supposed the look came from the need to project confidence and strength to subordinates from a General so young but the stern look was finished off by soft lips. When he caught the odd smile from those soft lips he was completely lost.

It was at that dinner that Hux had let his defences slip. Kylo was getting carried away in mid conversation when he had noticed that Hux wasn’t actually concentrating on what he was saying. He seemed to be in a bit of a daydream and then it happened……. Kylo felt what Hux was feeling and thinking. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to invade someone’s mind ordinarily but Hux was projecting his thoughts so violently that Kylo couldn’t avoid them. Hux was transfixed on Kylo and was thinking about him in a way that made Kylo inhale deeply before he coughed loudly to pull Hux back to the present.

Hux had flushed with embarrassment which Kylo found extremely endearing and he pounced on the opportunity to assure Hux that the feelings had been mutual.  
The conversation at dinner that night took an interesting turn. Their command styles may have been like oil and water but their private lives were most definitely like they had been tailor made for each other.

The relationship had flourished quickly with working hours being kept completely separate from private hours. Kylo found that his own frustrations would build to a point where he would release his anger, usually on some of the Finalizer’s expensive equipment and he would immediately regret it but ultimately feel better for the release. He would worry that Hux would be angry with him but he seemed to understand Kylo’s need to vent occasionally and would invariably forgive him when he came to his quarters with his tail between his legs. There was hardly a night that passed that they didn’t share.  
For the first time in his life Kylo felt accepted and wanted and all he wanted in return was Hux.

But now he’d messed things up big time.

Kylo could remember the calm before the storm. He’d been prepared to die, had given in to his rage and just switched off. He knew that the bowcaster wound in his side would be fatal if left untreated, if the planet crumbling around him didn’t take him first.  
He remembered looking up into the canopy of the forest and the gently falling flakes of snow and how peaceful it all seemed, even though the planet was in its death throws around him.  
He remembered the panic in Hux’s voice as he was lifted out of his dream and dragged kicking and screaming into the waiting shuttle craft.

The shuttle journey back to the Finalizer had been agonizing. Kylo was confused and angry and embarrassed. He’d been prepared to die, to end his pain once and for all and yet here he was, still breathing, still hurting, mentally and physically shattered and they wouldn’t just let him go.  
He’d summoned up the last of his strength through the force to attack anyone who came within reach and then, without warning, it had all gone very quiet.  
He felt……. nothing.

Kylo withdrew into his own mind. His body had failed him. He didn’t know where he was but it was dark and so cold and he could remember everything.  
The moment he’d killed his own father and then realising that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. That he’d been lied to his entire life by his teacher, his mentor Snoke.  
Killing Han Solo should have taken all of his suffering away and let the dark side of the force take him completely but it had the opposite effect and Kylo had become incensed. The bowcaster shot to his side followed by the anguished cry of the Wookie only served to further his uncontrolled rage. When he had taken the hit and looked up into the faces of FN-2187 and ‘the girl’ Kylo was out of his mind and so out of control it was as if something else was driving his body.

So dark, so cold. Images of his Father flashed before him over and over again. The look of pure love and forgiveness in Han’s eyes even as Kylo thrust his lightsabre through him. Over and over and over again.  
The moment he was supposed to have been made whole and strong he only felt more pain, his Mother’s pain. The force was so cruel.  
Was he in hell? Had he died? Was this how he was going to feel for eternity, knowing that he had caused so much pain and suffering to so many and all for nothing!

For the longest time he had no recollection of anything else but then he started to become aware of movements around him. Strange mechanical noises and sounds. Muffled words from unknown faces. In the middle of the darkness a familiar face emerged. The face of the only person that truly knew him. The face of the man he had fallen in love with. Hux.  
He began to panic at the thought of never seeing him again, that the only thoughts he would ever have again were the moment he killed his own Father and the pain he had caused his Mother. His mind began searching his surroundings to make more sense of it all and then he found it. That familiar feeling he’d felt a hundred times before. He kept pushing in the hope that it would become something more.

Kylo felt himself flinch as an alarm sounded and then disappeared and left him in his silence once again.  
Real panic set in as the images of his Father and Mother worked their way back to his mind and the image of Hux started to fade and then…… something grabbed his hand. The realisation that it was real was overwhelming and then he connected with the person the hand belonged to. Hux.

In that moment everything stopped. The images, the pain, the panic. It all dissipated and a sense of calm took over.  
He knew where he was.  
He knew Hux was by his side.  
He knew where his future was heading and he found his peace.


End file.
